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Lunatic Ravings!
I have it on very good authority that soon I will be hearing a response from Sadaam regarding my suggestion from last weeks column. Supposedly Sadaam is having his top intelligence experts looking deeply into what I wrote just to make sure that I am not including some sort of anti-Iraq message that would cause the Iraqi people to rise up and revolt. I promise Sadaam and the whole world that there IS NOT a secret message anywhere in my letter. What I wrote was written in good faith and was only meant to help Sadaam a little. Nowhere in the letter do I write something like "Die, Sadaam, die", or "Down with you, you damn dirty pig-ape" or anything like that. You have my word as a law-abiding American citizen. But Sadaam is really the least of our worries. I am more worried about the god folks at Clonaid who have cloned their third baby. At least that's what they say. The latest clone baby was for a Japanese couple who's child drowned. Good thing Clonaid exists since they cloned a baby for the couple which looks exactly like the lost child. No foolin'? It doesn't seem that hard to me. Since all babies look alike, I can go out and find a couple who lost a child and have them give me some money so that I can begin my own cloning. I just need some DNA, a couple of test tubes and probably a bunsen burner and I'm ready to start cloning. Since I already have the money and the happy couple now have their child back, I won't worry about the fact that as the baby grows older, it won't look anything like their dear departed child. But, if I can also invent some sort of adjustable synthetic clone skin, then the parents could mold the child's skin into what they want it to look like. That would put me in the running for the Nobel Prize which has always been my lifelong ambition. But, enough about me. Clonaid claims they have cloned 3 babies. I highly doubt this. I have a feeling that they haven't cloned any babies at all because they're just a bunch of freaks, or they have actually cloned thousands of babies because they're freaks. My proof is the spokesperson. Forget about the leader and his hair bun. The person to be worried about is the Tammy Faye look-alike Clonaid spokesperson. She, or it, is not human looking. Any company that thinks that someone who looks like Tammy Faye would make a good spokesperson is a company run by freaks. My feeling is that there have been thousands of cloned babies produced by Clonaid with the purpose of taking over the world. As we have our intention focused on Iraq and North Korea, Clonaid is quietly placing their little baby war machines all over the earth for the purpose of world dominance. It's probably too late to do anything about it now. You can now either accept the fact that clones are going to take over the world, or you can do something about it by visiting www.clonaid.com and demanding your own clone baby. I did and it only cost me $19.95!!! BTW, in response to Yvonne in her Chick Shit column, the first and last order of business on whatever spree I go on would be her. Take that in any way you want. COMING NEXT: More issues to deal with. Email Stephen! snide_remarks@theweirdcrap.com
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