|
|
|
| This Week's |  |
| | | | | | | Add To Your Site! . |
|
| Commentaries: |  |
|
|
Lunatic Ravings!
Late last week, I awoke from a deep sleep and found that a naked blonde with wings was standing at the foot at the bed staring at me. I asked her what her problem was and that she had better have a damn good reason to be standing naked in my bedroom naked and she told me that I had won the lottery but that money wasn't the prize. Instead, I had been picked from billions of living creatures as the one person in the history of being to be given the answer to the meaning of life. Unbelievable. Like I don't have better things to worry about, but now I had the answer to that question. I was told by the naked blonde that I only had one chance to let the world know the meaning of life and that was to be in this column. If I decided to give the answer at a later date, I would spend eternity with the cast of "Friends" in Wal Mart with only pennies to purchase products with. I figured that this was something that I shouldn't burden myself with, even though I kind of like that messiah feeling. No, I had to do the right thing and let everyone know the answer so the world would finally be at peace and we could all get along with love and understanding. But, Melissa B. just had to go ahead and fuck things up for humanity. It seems that Melissa wants a new career and is interested with the rooster crisis in Lincoln, NE that I wrote about last week. She also had some questions that I had to do hours of research on so that I was positive that I was leading her on the right path. Here's what she wrote: "Will the people of Lincoln have to transport their hens over the state line to get laid? And if so, is it against the law to transport a chicken across state lines for sexual purposes?" In 1877, the governor of Nebraska was invited to go walking around with members of the police department. While patrolling the streets, they came across a stagecoach loaded with hundreds of chickens and roosters that were on their way to Iowa in order to participate in the biggest cock fight of al time. The governor misunderstood the meaning of "cock fight" and ordered a law to immediately be put in place barring the transport of any winged creature across the state line. This law remains in effect to this day because everytime the law is brought up in the legislature, everyone breaks down with laughter over the phrase "cock fight" and everyone is sent home. So, the answer is yes, it is illegal to transfer hens, or any bird for that matter, across state lines for sex. But remember, it's not illegal in Nebraska to have sex with a chicken. As a matter of fact, it's looked upon as a really cool thing to do. More from Melissa: "........I am looking for a new career and I think I would like to look in to pimping roosters for chickens. I need more excitement in my life and running roosters through the dark of night and evading capture by the crack Nebraska state troopers is the way to get it." Pimping anything is good. I can't say that enough. When someone like Melissa says she wants to start pimping, it really brings a tear to my eye. It makes me so happy. She's a true American with the ideals I'm proud of. Go for it Melissa! Get yourself a van and load those roosters up. It's not right for those chickens in Lincoln to have to masturbate for sexual pleasure because of some stupid law. Fuck the law!! (By the way, if you could actually get some pictures of masturbating chickens for me before you release the roosters, I think I can make us a ton of money.) The only thing that might be a letdown would be your dealings with the Nebraska state troopers. True, they are "crack' and, true, they did get a sizable increase in their yearly budget, but they shouldn't be a problem to outrun. Last year they could only afford 2 tires on their spiffy, high-powered Yugo's, but this year with the budget increase they can now afford to have 3 tires on each police car. Still, this isn't something that you really need to evade, even if you're on foot. You can't have everything you know. COMING NEXT: Definitely not that meaning of life thing. Email Stephen! snide_remarks@theweirdcrap.com
|
|||||||||||||||||
|
|
||||||||||||||||||
|
| | | | | | © 2002 by TheWeirdcrap.com - "Insanity has found a home." |
