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 Bob Sez - 9/17/01
By Bob Senitram
Published each Friday
At first I didn't want to write this weeks commentary because of the horrible
tragedy that has struck the US. But since The Weirdcrap is a source of humor, and humor is good medicine, I thought
it would be helpful to continue as usual. Sorry this weeks commentary is two days late, but I took me a few days
to figure this out.
First, I would like to offer my condolences to all those who lost their lives and give my cheers to the people
who are actively helping.
We replaced all the advertisements on our main pages with a banner for the Red Cross. This is a not an advertisement,
the link goes directly to The Red Cross's donation page. You can also donate by calling 1-800-HELP-NOW.
We now return you to our regular programming:
Song In My Head:
"'Cause when it's time to change,
it's time to rearrange…
shaa-nana naa naa naa na-nana,
sha-nana na-na…"
- The Brady Six -
I was watching a TV show called "The Making of The Apollo 13 Movie,"
when they said that the space scenes were done inside an areo-plane. I guess they flew real fast, up and then down.
When they start going down, it seems like there is no gravity on the areo-plan and they do the outer-space scenes.
So I figured I would like to do the same thing.
Only I don't have no areo-plane. And I don't know how to drive one.
So with this puzzle in my head, I went downtown with a few friends to have a few beers and stare at the big building
downtown. It is quite a marvel!
Now, a lot of folks think that us "Huskers" just go "cow-tipping" on weekends or we just stay
home an watch college football (I live in Omaha, NE). But there's really a lot of fun stuff to do…DOWNTOWN!
The main dirt road is called Dodge Street and it leads downtown. If it ain't been raining and it's not too muddy
you can take Dodge Street toward the Missouri River and it will lead you downtown. We got "The Dewdrop Inn,"
and a movie theatre - IT'S ALL DOWNTOWN!
Or you can sit on the Court house lawn and stare at "Woody's Tower." Which is what we were doing last
friday night!
Here's how I figured to get that anti-gravity effect without a space ship or an areo-plane. I would go up to the
top of our big building in the elevator, then stretch myself so my hands are on one wall and my feet are on the
other. Then I walk myself up to the roof of the elevator. My friend Stephen will then push the button for the bottom
floor.
I figured after about 30 seconds we'd be going down fast enough, that I could let go and float in the air for about
30 seconds.
Anti-gravity with no space-ship or areo-plane!
So we tried it the next day! To get the full effect, I rented a space-man costume that had a real plastic bubble
for my head. We rode up and down for 20 minutes before we had the elevator for ourselves. Finally, alone and at
the top, I climbed to the top of the elevator, which was kind of hard because the space gloves were slippery on
the elevator wall and I kept falling down.
So there I was at the top of the elevator waiting and waiting.
And waiting.
I looked at Stephen, and he looked at me. Then I looked again, and he looked back. I looked at him getting madder
and madder by the minute. He just looked up at me with a stupid smile on his face.
Finally I spoke up, "Jesus! Hit the button already! I'll never fully understand why God gave you hands, you
are as worthless and lazy as you are stupid!"
So he hits the button and looks up with his usual stupid smile.
By the time we get going, I loose my grip and fall. Smack! My space helmet hits Stephen on the head and now it's
got a big crack on it. The helmet not Stephen's head.
We go back to the top floor and try again.
We went down two floors and the elevator stopped. The sudden jerk of stopping made me loose my grip again and I
fell. Only this time Stephen moves and I land face down onto the floor. I end up with a bloody nose and my space
helmet has a hole in it. We decided to go home because I wouldn't be able to breath in outer-space if my space
helmet had a hole in it.
I'm thinking, maybe next time we can put "out of order" signs up on each elevator, that way no one can
prevent me from having my weightlessness experience.
COMING NEXT: I get botulism!
webmaster@weirdcrap.every1.net
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